"If you want to hide something [from an ignorant person], put it in a book"
– Jayson Tyrone Phillips (May 27, 1975 - )
American Musician
Preface
Within these pages I cover a subject that makes a lot of people uncomfortable: infidelity. And not in the usual way. This book speaks on behalf of the infidel and in it I adopt his positions and explain his rationale. It explores his psychology without the usual bias, addresses what is both practical and impractical when managing multiple, simultaneous relationships, and gives instruction on how to excel despite the inevitable obstacles that come with living under constant surveillance. In doing so The Black Book sidesteps certain social norms held sacred by the populace at large and questions the monopoly of one in particular: monogamy.
It is a shame those who prefer to have multiple relationships automatically get a bad rap. Relevant context is drowned out by bad press and the accused is condemned on the spot. When the perceived slight of infidelity comes to light the reaction is overdramatic and often worse than the initial act: Agamemnon launches a thousand ships, Othello murders an innocent Desdemona. In modern times people’s reputations are crucified. Envy and revenge get a free pass, considered crimes of passion by the apathetic public, whereas the liberty to love freely receives no acknowledgement or redress. Because they fear persecution lovers must move in silence to avoid detection. Society has driven them underground. Some of these illicit lovers are unready to leave their primary partner; in many cases they have no intention of doing so. What they do have are their own reasons, personal reasons, for why they engage in Sampling. This book tells their story and advocates for both their needs and rights. For these misunderstood souls secondary relationships are legitimate – the outside world just doesn’t understand. Like prisoners confined to a small area they exercise their desire to love abundantly under great constraint.
You’ll find that in my book selfishness, objectivity, and deceit are never called into question. Double standards that divide men and women remain unchallenged. I do not raise a finger to defend righteousness or equality as these concepts are irrelevant to the goal and scope of this treatise. Because The Black Book is nonfiction human actors are not assigned godlike powers or given arbitrary purpose. Our collective nature (human nature) remains basic and flat, unglorified and sub mythological. What some would call decency and morality is temporarily suspended. There will be no debate on "right vs. wrong". The Black Book is authentic and straightforward with no artificial colors, sweeteners, or preservatives.
I hope you don’t mind my bluntness or the occasional profane word. I did not write An Introduction to the Art of Sampling to intentionally cause offense or degrade anyone. But if you do find this book offensive and degrading I propose this resolution. Wait until your office throws a Christmas party, wrap the book in plain newspaper, and pass it off as a Secret Santa gift. Then again… you can always just toss it in the garbage, or if you’re feeling exceptionally Puritan today you can take a match to it. Feel free to buy every last copy available and start a bonfire that can be seen from outer space. I promise not to be offended; as you can probably tell I’m not all that sensitive. I certainly don’t expect any of the following repressive governments to allow this book anywhere within their borders: China, Iran, North Korea, Utah, Indonesia, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Burma, Sudan, or anyplace on the globe that carries the suffix "-stan" in its name.
With that being said, I present to you The Black Book: An Introduction to the Art of Sampling, perhaps the first and only piece of its kind. What you get out of this book will depend on where you stand on the issue of Sampling. Some will receive instruction, others will gather insight, and all will be entertained. Enjoy. And remember, read responsibly.
Excerpts
Living under a cloak of deception is the price one pays to Sample while Sampling is the price society pays for endorsing universal monogamy over everything else.
p. 165
There is a scene in the movie The Prestige that summarizes what it truly means to live the illusion. Two young, aspiring magicians living in London go to a theater where they watch a performance by a traveling magician from China. The old Chinese illusionist, a veteran of his profession, performs a remarkable feat in which he causes a very large goldfish bowl filled with water to appear out of nowhere. One of the two young men believes he knows exactly how the trick is performed. Whether in public or private the old man would always walk hunched over, seemingly small and weak like any other person his age. In truth he actually possessed the strength and balance required to hold a goldfish bowl between his knees at all times of the day and concealed it beneath his flowing robes as he moved around the stage each night. Both the young Londoner and the old Chinaman understood how important perception was in creating a controlled illusion. They did not simply perform their illusions, they lived them.
If you exist in a state of perpetual alibi, it will not become second nature – it will become your first and only nature.
p. 53
Someone who feels guilt about having sex outside of a relationship cannot Sample sustainably. Guilt will eventually cause a meltdown, at which point secrecy is no longer a priority but rather a burden.
p. 175
Evidence, material and immaterial in nature, is a recurrent problem. There is no quick fix, no one size fits all solution. In the science of physics there is a concept called entropy that can be loosely applied to the clever art of Sampling. While entropy is a broad term and has many definitions, in the context of this conversation we can think of it as a pervading, chaotic force in the universe undermining the order we try to create. The creation and appearance of evidence is the physical manifestation of randomness and uncertainty in our everyday lives. Its sudden, disruptive appearance reminds us that we mustn’t get too comfortable and complacent in our routine but should be on guard against both the seen and unseen.
p. 117
Direct confrontation is when a mistress comes into contact with a girlfriend or wife, in person or otherwise, to identify herself and explain her role, or conversely if a girlfriend/wife seeks out a mistress she suspects is sleeping with her man. It results in a verbal or written declaration wherein the existence of the secondary relationship is acknowledged and a Sampler’s activities are exposed. At this point the Sampler has completely lost control of the flow of information. While simple rumors of infidelity carry a high level of uncertainty and require a burden of proof, an admission or outright confession from a mistress directly involved in the act of infidelity drastically reduces or completely eliminates uncertainty.
p. 104
Only three percent of mammals participate in socially monogamous behavior. That means the other ninety-seven percent are free to mate without constraint.
p. 28
Combine growing individualism, a progressive leaning public, and the general inflexibility of the law and you have this recipe for a continual decline in the institution of marriage. To put it another way this current generation is more self promoting and has more options than their forbearers. People are (rightfully) disinterested in a western legalistic concept of marriage that has a fifty percent chance of ending in divorce.
p. 20
There is so much untapped knowledge out there on the subject of Sampling... Samplers everywhere want to speak and be spoken to, to hear and be heard.
p. 161